The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places.
Honestly, how do you feel about your mom?
Do you enjoy her company or avoid her like a sunburn?
Does her number on your cell phone screen make your heart fall into your feet?
Is she the one who knows it all?
Then you’re in the right place. Keep reading.
So your Mom’s always right. She likes talking about her smart self, even to your friends. Never listens and dismisses you as if you were saying nonsense.
She gets easily jealous, constantly criticizes and calls you names. You feel obliged to do whatever she wants not to risk bringing her rage upon yourself.
She takes credit for your achievements like they were her own. Never says she’s sorry or admits her mistakes.
You feel responsible for your Mom’s emotional well-being but her moods are unpredictable. She often “greets” you with diminishing remarks. What was it last time you saw her–your hair, choice of clothes or your weight?
Sometimes, she insists on getting your opinion—only to blame you later for wrong advice.
And how well do you remember your childhood?
Not very, I guess.
Still, do you recall how …
- she invited her friends, not yours to your birthday parties?
- she sent you away for months to grandparents or summer camps against your will?
- you felt getting on her nerves?
- she forgot her promises and let you down?
- she told you that you were a mistake?
If you withhold love from a child, you may as well withhold air. ~UnknownClick To Tweet
Have you heard, “I love you, you are beautiful” or “Love has to be earned” instead?
Were her hands soft and caring or did they cause you pain?
Have you been (even secretly) terrified of her?
Did she treat you differently in other’s presence, so nobody knew how cruel she was in her own kingdom?
And now that you are grown, she expects complete loyalty and manipulates you with guilt.
Every time you’re with your Mom, you feel like you are losing yourself. Your willpower shrinks like a ruptured balloon leaving you face down at her feet.
Sometimes, you feel like there is an invisible wall between you and the world. That you don’t belong.
Hopeless and scared you will never be free.
That’s how I felt for most of my life.
But not anymore.
And you don’t have to feel this way either.
Let me explain.
Dear Mad Mom
I hated her, and I loved her.
I rejected her, and I longed for her approval.
I cried out loud, and I went numb.
I succumbed to her, and I fought her.
I was trapped, and I struggled to break free.
She wanted me to be like her, and I wanted to be me.
She pushed me away, and I tried desperately to stay close.
I ran away but couldn’t crack the cord, letting Mom suck the light out of me.
I disengaged leaving her on her own but to no relief.
I wrote her letters about indifferent stuff, but I didn’t dare to speak of our wrenched relationship.
Now it’s too late.
Sent or kept to myself, those letters are the evidence of my heart-bleeding and my recovery.
They’re steps on a ladder that took me out of burning Hell.
Mothers Who Don’t Know How to Love
Who are they–mothers we love and we hate? Whom we can’t escape even when we are on the other side of the globe? Who clutches the key to our happiness even from the other side of the grave?
Difficult mother has many names:
Some might call her a vampire or simply a bitch.
Being around her is like walking through the minefield not knowing where the dangerous spot will be. Until the ground explodes throwing you into the air. Out of breath, disoriented, and helpless.
Daughters Who Don’t Know How to Heal
Let me tell you a secret–you’re not lost. You can heal.
Did you know that?
I didn’t. Falling apart emotionally, mentally, and physically. Feeling anxious, tired and depressed, I saw the world through a smoky veil of derealization.
I believed all families were like mine. And that nothing ever would change.
But life proved me wrong.
“Your mother abuses you,” my therapist said sending me into a state of shock.
“That can’t be. No way.”
The truth was too painful to absorb.
Then suddenly everything started making sense.
Accepting what I was put through was the first step in my recovery.
The first step [to recovery] is to understand the problem, to diagnose it, and to get the background information that defines it.
~Karyl McBride, PhD.
But what happened next was even better.
Let the Healing Begin
Feel like a victim?
As adults, we can’t blame others for our hardship.Your happiness is your responsibility-own it.Click To Tweet
Your mother’s happiness not.
40 per cent of our happiness is within our power to change and can be controlled by what we do and how we think–our intentional activities and strategies.
You’re not crazy, flawed or hopeless. Stop viewing the world through the crooked mirror of your Mom’s mental distortion.
You are good.
And you’re stronger than you might believe.
Your Mom will probably never change.
But you can.
Let the healing begin.
Need help? Feel free to leave a comment below or write directly to me: Irina [at] lovegrowbehappy.com
I answer all emails.
Images: Pixabay, StockSnap.