Ones upon a time there was a little girl. She loved her mommy very much, but she could never be sure that her mother also loved her.
When she felt sad and longed for a cuddle, her mommy was too busy to comfort her.
"Stop bothering me, little one; you have nothing to be sad about."
And when the girl was bursting with desire to share good news, her mother wouldn't listen.
"Go to your room and do the homework. Life isn't for pleasure."
Time passed, and our little girl tried to avoid her mother's attention, not to be called "useless" and "difficult." Or be brushed away with "children don't experience such feelings" statement.
She learned not to bother her mother with "non-existing" emotions. And the rare moment when her mommy reached out to her, a little girl was too confused to respond. She froze and just wanted to be left alone as she felt most of the time anyway.
When our girl grew up, she felt not good enough, lonely and confused, not only with her mother but with most of the people she met. When someone had shown interest in her, she crawled inside and hid like a turtle inside her shell.
But even there, she felt insecure – shy and anxious, scared to say or do something wrong. Something other people may disapprove. She looked reverently at her peers, who seemed confident and fearless, and always knew what to say. But how could she trust other people when she did not even trust herself?
Years passed. The girl met a guy who stayed year after year waiting for her to say yes. It seemed that she had no choice, so, finally, she married him. Although there were joyful moments in her life, she didn't feel happy. But she didn't know either what needed to be changed and how.
Deep in her heart, the girl loved her daughter and her husband, but she didn't know how to show it to them. And her family wondered if she loved them and how she felt – her face looked sad or angry, even when she felt at ease.
Every time she noticed them on guard, her heart was bleeding.
Could this girl learn how to love and be loved by others?
Growing up with unavailable, self-absorbed mothers, affect our adult lives in many ways. We feel stressed and overwhelmed most of the time struggling with emotions like anger, shame and self-loathing. We lack skills to cope with these difficult feelings and build healthy relationships with ourselves and other important people in our lives.
Listen to my interview with an amazing couple's therapist Jette Simon who works on both continents – in New York and in Copenhagen, Denmark.
In this interview, you will learn:
- How growing up with a difficult mother can interfere with your adult life and relationships.
- How to deal with difficult emotions.
- How to cope with an emotionally unavailable partner.
- When going no contact with your mother may be the right decision, and what are the potential side effects.
- If the wrong partners exist.
- That forgiveness and healing not always are inseparable and why.
- What hides behind the narcissistic façade.
- How to take care of an ill difficult mother and stay sane.
- How to bring more joy to your life.
Interview with a couple’s therapist Jette Simon
The article I mentioned in the interiew:
How to Find a Therapist that is Right for Yo