"Hurt people hurt people."–Unknown
A few weeks ago, I interviewed an amazing relationship therapist Dr. Claudia Luciak-Donsberger from Austria. I hesitated to publish the interview, though, because I thought that the time wasn't right. But thanks to you, my readers, these doubts have dissolved like a morning breeze under a ray of sunshine.
In your emails, you ask about grieving and forgiving; how to keep carrying on for your difficult and ill mother, and much more. So, I decided that time is always right to talk about such an important issue as relationships with our parents.
Dr. Claudia is one of my favorite therapists in the world, She is a curious soul and a life-long learner, who lives by her advice. She is an accomplished systemic, Imago, and EFT therapist, who studied in the US and Europe and now shares her knowledge with people in different countries and continents. Together with her husband, Dr. Mikael Luciak, Dr. Claudia leads workshops for couples, parent-child pairs, and siblings, helping people reconnect and find peace. She is kind, humane, and approachable. She has a big heart and no “God complex” in her.
There is one thing you should understand about Dr. Claudia before you listen to the interview – she doesn’t like to label people as “toxic,” “mean,” or narcissists. No one hurts other people on purpose, she insists. But some unhappy people, who have never experienced a satisfying, loving connection in their lives, don’t trust that this is even possible. They are in pain and sometimes they hurt others, as well.
In her long experience as a relationship therapist, Dr. Claudia learned that supporting difficult parents is just as important for healing their children’s wounds as helping their children. Listen to the interview, and you will understand why.
Besides that, we touch upon the following issues:
Watch or listen to the interview now.
Interview with Dr. Claudia Luciak-Donsberger
Listening to Dr. Claudia, I feel the warmth pouring through my heart. My own experience tells me that she is right, and people who have difficulty connecting with others also long for intimate connections. But they don't know how to ask just as it happened with my mum.
It's sad, says Dr. Claudia, when some people give up and live their lives without love and connection. So, maybe your mother couldn't drop her defences, listen to you, and ask for forgiveness, just like her mother couldn't do it before her.
But you can!
Prepare, train, and master the skills of self-protection and self-nurturing to build loving connections with you and other important people in your life.